Hey, beautiful mommies!!
I hope you all are doing well. But you must have landed in this article because you are not… Why? Confused on managing home, baby and family? I know and I understand it’s quite difficult. Not quite, rather very very difficult. Depressive thoughts, guilty of not giving your baby enough attention and seeing the mess all around make it even more difficult. But, hold your thoughts for a minute, take a deep breath and just read this article once, please. You never know it might help you and you may feel better.
You were a wonderful homemaker. Clean house, beautiful showpieces, beds all done nicely, wonderful kitchen with latest gadgets, and suddenly, you see the things messing up. How and when did this happen? You think to yourself “I am busy all day cleaning the mess but still everything still seems to be done.” and end up with “I am not a good home maker. I don’t care of my family” and finally with “I am not a good mum too” Hold on!! Hold on!! That’s exactly the same feeling of all the new mothers. So you are not unique in this. Take a chill.
You were and are a wonderful homemaker. You take care of your family still very lovingly and you are the best mother. Nobody in this world can take this credit from you. It is just that you have a new responsibility and a very very big responsibility. Your baby needs all your attention. Your baby is just looking up to you and it is you who has to do all the things for her.
So, it is ok if some things are left undone, its ok if you could not serve warm food to your family while earlier you used to do, its ok if you could not do the laundry one day. Instead of this, you did the best for your baby. You dressed her up nicely, you fed her healthy food, you bonded with her, you made her smile and most importantly, you gave her your attention. So, feel happy, feel satisfied that you gave your time to your baby. Forget about the other things, I know you will again do those once you can do.
Don’t overstress yourself. At this time, your baby needs your attention. So, do that. There is no point in stressing up with the things you can’t control. Just like you, I was also in the same ride when Ananya was born. I started feeling like I am not good at managing home with my baby. I felt as if I am not good for my home and her. But, slowly I started letting things just flow with time. I started thinking like for example, if I didn’t do the bedsheets, I was playing with my daughter. If I didn’t cook an extra meal today that I used to earlier, I was making her learn to count. That started making me positive again and I started feeling good about myself that I was taking care of “all” of my family.
I this article, I am also trying to give a few tips that I followed to manage my thoughts and revive again. Just read on once, maybe they are of help to you too and help you managing home with baby wonderfully well.
- Involve your Spouse- that is really important. Stop being possessive about your baby and involve others for help. The best person you can involve is your husband. He is the one you trust the most. Let him do the diaper changing while you do the laundry or let him bathe the baby while you do the kitchen chores. By this, you are also going to improve the father-baby bond and they will start enjoying their time together. My husband also feeds Ananya when I am busy and I feel so so happy by seeing this side of him. He makes stories, sings songs just to enable her to eat some food. I also allow him to make Ananya sleep and it is really good to see how she slowly drifts to sleep in his arms while he sings lullabies. Lovely!!
- Establish a sleep routine for your baby- your baby should have a consistent sleep routine. Don’t try to be flexible in this or you may find it difficult to make her sleep or she may even not sleep at all. When Ananya was born, like every baby, she used to sleep a lot. Initially, it was like 2 hours of wake time and then half an hour’s sleep. It took me some time to understand this pattern for her. Then after 6-7 months of age, she started having two naps, morning and evening, both around 1.5 – 2 hrs each. And now, she takes only one nap. But one thing that I always do is to make her sleep everyday around the same time after the same routine. For her one nap these days, I make her sleep post-lunch, so she knows that her sleep time is here. And in the night, I take her to the bedroom every day around 8:30-9:00 p.m., change her clothes, switch off the lights, and most importantly, I make her say Good night to each family member. This way she comes to know that it is the time to sleep now.
- Plan a helper- there is nothing wrong with getting yourself a helper. You can even go for someone who can help you take care of your baby as well. This is surely going to make your initial days stress free. You can check with your references, daycare centers or do a walk-through.
- Engage your baby in toys and books– just get some good toys and books for your baby as per her age. This way you can keep her engaged while you do the cores. You can explore this site for such suggestions as well. Earlier, I used to make Ananya sit on this baby rocker while I did the work. Then later, on this walker, and finally today on this chair. I also hand over some vegetables to her and make her play with them. This way I can see her in front of me always and it also helps her to know what her mum is doing to get things better or how she prepares a meal 🙂
- Involve the whole family– you can for sure involve your family with housework. You can get the siblings involved or even assign duties to all. This not only will improve your family bond and also help your child identify her responsibilities of being a responsible member. I always clean up things in front of Ananya and now she asks me to get a wiper even if she sees some water spilled on the ground. That is what I always wanted.
- Let go of some things– learn to let go of certain things. Forget about how your house will look to a stranger. You live there. You have to make it a better place for you only. So, once that is done, take some rest and chill. This, I think, is one of the greatest tips to managing home with baby 🙂
- Learn to Prioritize– Make a list of your tasks as per their priority. You know your priorities better. Write the things on the paper. This will give you a clear picture of what next is to be done and makes your mind less burdened. Also, finish the task before you start with the next. Otherwise, you might end up with half-done chores, all need to be done again.
- Take good Sleep– Rest is important, If you feel fresh, you will perform better and you would be beautifully managing your home with your baby. No point in exhausting yourself. I know many things are to be done especially when your baby takes her nap. But, your sleep is also required. When she is asleep, sleep. When she wakes up, you can engage her in some toy or hand over her to another responsible family member and do your work.
- Don’t interrupt when your baby is engaged– if she is engaged, just let her be. Don’t interrupt or let any other member interrupt. This will spoil her interest and make her irritable. She will again move around for other choices and this will affect you. You may end up chasing her only.
- Talk to your Partner– Even if things don’t go as they should be, or you feel disheartened, talk to your partner. No one in this world can understand you better than him. So, go, talk to him freely. Express your feelings and hug him tight.
I hope some of these tips will help you and make you manage things in a better way.
Lots of love to you all,
Geetika, a new mum with the same thoughts as you.
(P.S. We will make it better together. Come, let’s join our hands. Comment below to share your thoughts, opinions, and feelings, Let’s share it between us. You never know you might find a solution here)